Much Ado About Wicked
by ZeGabz
Summary: The war is over, but the battle between Elphaba Thropp and Fiyero Tiggular rages on, as violent as ever. Will their friends be able to trick them into realizing their love before it's too late?
1. Act 1, Scene 1

**A/N: I HAVE RETURNED! **

**Funny, I've had this in my head for the longest time but just couldn't manage to find time to write it. But, here it is! William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing . . . Wicked style! And fear not, I will use the No Fear text for this story for you non-Old English fans. Another note, the characters of Frex, the Wizard, and Boq are characterized according to Shakespeare, not Wicked, and in the story Elphaba is Nessa's cousin, not her sister. Also, I must point out that this will stick very much to the script of MAAN so I will be revising this chapter to incorporate more Wicked into it, as far as characterization goes. Have I covered everything? Good.**

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><p>CAST<p>

Hero- Nessarose

Don John- Avaric

Dogberry- Irjii

Friar Francis- Wizard

Leonato- Frex

Ursula- Glinda

Margaret- Milla

Don Pedro- Manek

Beatrice- Elphaba

Benedick- Fiyero

Claudio- Boq

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><p>Act 1, Scene 1<p>

It was a lovely day in Munchkinland. The sun shone through sparse clouds and the breeze was warm. The entire Thropp family sat in the cornfields, talking jovially and joking. Frex, the governor of Munchkinland, sat talking casually with his brother Antonio while his only daughter, the kind and gentle Nessarose and her waiting gentlewoman, the bubbly and friendly Galinda, listened as her quick-witted and green-skinned cousin Elphaba read poetry aloud to anyone who would listen.

Suddenly, a noise was heard, coming from the Yellow Brick road. Eagerly the entire party stood up to see who was approaching. It was a man of small stature, not a rare occurrence in Munchkinland, and he seemed most eager to reach them.

"Governor Thropp!" the man called, "I have a letter, and it is most urgent that you read it straight away!" Frex raised an eyebrow and stood, approaching the breathless messenger and taking the letter from him. He opened it and read it, as the party listened in anxious anticipation. A smile broke out on Frex's face as he turned to face his family and friends.

"According to this letter, Prince Manek of the Upper Uplands and his army are coming to Munchkinland tonight!"

Immediately, the group was in an excited uproar. Prince Manek was a well-known nobleman, much loved by all who knew him and considered a hero by all who knew of him.

"He must be very near by now," the messenger noted. "When I left him, he was less than nine miles from here." Frex turned around to examine the looks of excitement on the faces of his daughter and niece. Nessa's eyes sparkled, Elphaba's glittered with something that hinted towards anxiety.

"How many noblemen were killed in the battle you just fought?" Frex asked, and immediately a tense air hung over the crowd.

"Not many, and no one important," the messenger replied, grinning as the smiles returned to everybody's anxious faces. Elphaba seemed to let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding.

"A victory in battle is twice as victorious when all the soldiers return home safely," Frex stated with a satisfied nod. "This letter also says that Prince Manek has given honors to a young man from Munchkinland named Boq." At this, he glanced over (along with everyone else) to smile at young Nessa, who had known Boq since they had been children.

Elphaba gave Nessa a teasing prod in the stomach, and Nessa's face turned a deep red, though it was uncertain if she was blushing out of pride or embarrassment or both. The messenger smiled and spoke again, pride filling his voice.

"Boq deserves to be honored, and the prince has rewarded him accordingly. He has done more than anyone would expect of a man his age." Nessa beamed at this. "He looks like a lamb but fights like a lion. He has so greatly exceeded all expectations that I can't even describe all he's done." Nessa by now seemed ready to burst with happiness. Elphaba watched her sister, amused as Frez spoke up again.

"He has an uncle here in Munchkinland who will be glad to hear this."

"And a girl who feels the same," Elphaba whispered under her breath to Nessa, who turned red yet again.

"I have delivered some letters to his uncle, and he seemed very happy. He got so emotional that he actually looked like he was in pain." None seemed too surprised, Boq's uncle was a very emotional and lovable man who would sing Lurlinemas carols throughout the year as he happily made the day of anyone fortunate enough to speak with him.

"Did he start weeping?" Frex asked affectionately. All of the girls giggled.

"Very much so," the messenger replied, "I have never known Munchkins to have so many tears." All present laughed.

"That's a very natural display of affection. There's no face more sincere than one washed in tears. And it's definitely better to cry because you're happy than laugh because you're sad!" Frex noted, ending the laughter. Elphaba stepped forward, a smirk on her face.

"Tell me, has Signior Montanto returned from battle?" she asked rather casually, though hidden deep within her amusement there was a genuine interest in her words. Though the messenger seemed confused, Galinda and Nessa giggled.

"I don't know anyone with that name, miss. There was no Signior Montanto in our army," the messenger replied, looking quite confused. Nessarose laughed.

"My cousin means Prince Fiyero of the Vinkus," she informed the messenger. Confusion turned to comprehension as the messenger replied to Elphaba:

"Oh, yes, Fiyero has returned and is as cheerful as ever," he replied with a broad smile. Elphaba smirked even wider.

"Tell me now, how many men did he kill and eat in this battle? I promised him I would eat anyone he killed." The messenger seemed slightly affronted by Elphaba's seemingly low expectations of Fiyero's skills.

"For Lurline's sake, Elphaba, you're criticizing Fiyero too heavily. But I'm sure he'll get even with you- he always does." Elphaba merely cackled at her uncle's words.

"Prince Fiyero served well in the war, Miss Elphaba," the messenger replied loftily. Elphaba raised her eyebrows.

"You had rotten food, and he helped you eat it. He's a very brave eater—he has a strong stomach-for he once ate something I cooked!" The crowd all laughed, save the messenger, who now looked almost angry.

"He's a good soldier too, lady."

"He's a good soldier to a lady? Well then, what is he to another prince?" Elphaba asked, very much amused.

"He's a prince to a prince and a man to a man. He is positively stuffed with every virtue considered honorable!" the messenger said, not even attempting to hide his displeasure now.

"Absolutely—he is stuffed, like a dummy. As for what he's stuffed with—well, nobody's perfect, now are they Nessie?" she asked, hugging Nessa, who was giggling and shaking her head at her cousin.

"Please don't take my niece the wrong way, sir," Frex interjected, "Fiyero and Elphaba have been waging a war of wits between themselves. Whenever they meet, there's a battle." At this, the messenger seemed to relax.

"And I always win. The last time we fought, he was so dazed by the end that he wasn't much smarter than- oh, who am I kidding, he was never smart to begin with! So tell me, who is he hanging around with these days? Every month he has a new sworn brother." Nessarose giggled, and the messenger thought for a moment.

"Is that possible?" he asked, puzzled. Elphaba gave a knowing nod.

"His preferences change faster than the winds. I would know."

"I can see you don't like Fiyero," the messenger said, amused. Elphaba laughed.

"Am I that obvious? But please tell me, who's his best friend? Isn't there some new swaggering young ruffian who follows him around like a lost puppy?"

"He spends most of his time with the good, noble Boq," the messenger replied.

"Oh God, Fiyero will plague him like a disease!" Elphaba cried, throwing an arm around Nessarose, who was blushing yet again. "Fiyero is an infection that's easy to catch but hard to get rid of—and he'll drive you crazy once you've been infected." She pinched Nessa's cheek affectionately. "God help Boq! If he's caught the Fiyero, he'll lose all his money and sanity before he's cured."

"I'm going to make sure I stay on your good side, Miss Elphaba," the messenger said. Elphaba laughed fondly, tossing an apple to the messenger.

"Do, new friend."

"You will never fall victim to Fiyero's charms, Elphie?" Galinda asked, giggling.

"No, not till Animals cease to speak!" Elphaba cried. Suddenly, another great sound could be heard from a distance. Don Pedro's army was near!

"Come on, Elphie and Miss Nessie, we have to get changed before the men get here!" Galinda squealed, "Let's see . . . pink goes good with green, so . . ."

Now groomed and polished, Elphaba and Nessarose stood with Galinda as Manek and his army approached. Frex stood out front with a few of his advisors as the girls hung back, admiring the battle-worn yet handsome soldiers. Men like them did not drop by Munchkinland often.

Don Pedro left his men and stepped forward, bowing to Frex, who mirrored his actions.

"My dear Governor Thropp, hosting my whole army is such a huge burden, but you accept it—and me—with open arms. Most people choose to avoid trouble, but you run to it!"

"You are never trouble to this house, your Grace. It's comforting when trouble departs. But when you leave, you take happiness with you and leave sorrow in its place, Frex replied, and spoke truth, for Don Pedro was a very happy and wise spirit, and well-loved in Munchkinland.

"You take up your duties too cheerfully," Manek jested. He glanced behind Frex. "Is that your daughter?" he asked, indicating young Nessarose, whose light brown hair was now curled and fell down her back. She rolled forward politely, but before she could greet Manek, her eyes caught Boq's.

In that moment, something changed between the two. They had been friends for so long, but they both had changed. Boq was a soldier now, and Nessa a tragically beautiful young girl still bound to a wheel chair, was now a young lady. He smiled, and she smiled back.

Only Elphaba took notice to this exchange as Frex replied, "That's what her mother always told me." The crowd of soldiers and Munchkin friends chuckled.

"Did you doubt that she was your daughter, since you had to ask her mother?" Fiyero piped up teasingly, stepping forward with great bravado. Elphaba heaved a heavy sigh.

"Of course not, Fiyero," Frex replied teasingly, "You were only a child when my Nessa was born, and not yet old enough to seduce Melena." The crowd all laughed heartily except for Elphaba, who was still staring at Fiyero with narrowed eyes.

"Ah, he got you back, Fiyero!" Manek laughed, "Frexspar clearly knows your reputation with women. Seriously, though, the lady resembles Frexspar so much that there can be no doubt about who her father is. Congratulations, lady: you resemble a most honorable man." Nessarose smiled.

"Well, even if he is her father, I'm sure she wouldn't want to have the head of the old man on her shoulders!" Fiyero replied, though by now Manek and Frexpar had moved away to talk. Elphaba by then had had enough, and stepped forward to Fiyero, who looked on her with great surprise.

"I'm amazed you're still talking, Fiyero. No one's listening to you," she said shrewdly, annoyance clear on her face. Fiyero raised an eyebrow as he took her in.

"Look, it's my dear Lady Disdain, green with envy as always!" Elphaba snorted at his dim jab at her skin. "Are you still living?"

"How could disdain die when you're here? When you're around, even the nicest woman becomes like myself."

"Then many women would be green, if you speak truly." Fiyero replied easily. Elphaba didn't flinch. "However, you don't, for all ladies love me, except you. And if I could I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none." Elphaba's eyes glittered, though her shoulders seemed to relax slightly.

"A dear happiness to women. You truly would make a most unworthy suitor. Thankfully, I feel the same way you do. I have no need for romance. I would rather listen to my dog bark at a scarecrow than hear a man swear that he loves me."

"Lurline keep you still in that mind, so some gentleman or other shall escape a predestinate cursed face." The crowd, listening by now, all chuckled. Fiyero seemed quite pleased with himself.

"Cursing would be a better fate than to have a face as deeply shallow and ugly as yours," Elphaba replied without a moment's pause. Immediately, the present soldiers burst into laughter. She and Fiyero glared at each other for a moment before he responded.

"Listen to you, instructing me like a parrot would," he snorted. Elphaba cackled.

"I'd rather be a squawking bird than an animal like you!" she responded hotly.

"Do you ever let anyone else talk or do you just rattle on like a deranged witch?" Fiyero asked, gaining many laughs. Elphaba opened her mouth to respond, but Fiyero waved her off. "That's it, Fae, I'm done," he chuckled. Elphaba glared at him- use of his old nickname for her was the ultimate blow, and he knew it.

"You always run away when you think you might lose. I know you," Elphaba muttered to him before stalking back over to Nessarose, who gave her a sympathetic smile. Manek stepped forward.

"Fiyero, Boq, and all you friends, Governor Thropp has invited us to stay at least a month." Immediately whoops of joy sounded, but Elphaba and Fiyero just looked at each other with utmost displeasure. Frex turned then to face Avaric, Manek's illegitimate brother, who had been watching all the happenings with a critical eye.

"I invite you as well, Avaric, if you will be reconciled to your brother." Avaric glanced over at Manek, who stared back with a cold expression.

"I thank you," he replied softly. "I am not of many words- but I thank you."

Frex, still slightly uncomfortable with the situation, merely nodded and stepped back. Frex then turned to Manek.

"Shall we go inside?"

"Indeed, Governor," said the Prince, and they all entered the Thropp household together. Boq, however, hung back with Fiyero, who had stayed behind to avoid running into Elphaba.

Boq approached Fiyero timidly. "Fiyero, did you notice Governor Thropp's daughter?" he asked. Fiyero turned with a puzzled expression.

"Your old friend Nessarose? I did not notice her but I saw her."

"Is she not still kind as ever?" Boq asked, his eyes glowing. Fiyero laughed.

"Do you want my true opinion? Or do you want me to criticize her like I do all women?"

"You mostly just criticize Miss Elphaba. But speak seriously."

"Well, it seems to me that she is too short to be praised highly because of that chair, too dark to be praised fairly, and too small to be praised greatly. I can only say this about her: if she looked different than she does, she would be ugly, and since she can't be anything but herself, I don't like the poor thing."

"You think I'm joking!" Boq said, annoyed, "Be serious Fiyero, for I am!"

"What, are you going to buy her?" Fiyero snorted.

"Could the world buy such a jewel?" Boq asked dreamily. Fiyero coughed and stepped away.

"Yes- and a case to put it into," Fiyero chuckled, "But really, are you serious?"

"I think she's the most wonderful woman I've ever laid eyes on."

"You've known her for years and you've never said that!" Fiyero cried, appalled.

"I've never seen her truly before," Boq replied hotly as curtains of a nearby window opened and the subject of their conversation appeared, along with Elphaba. Boq and she exchanged smiles as Fiyero went on.

"I don't see what you're talking about. If Fa-Elphaba didn't have such a nasty temper, she'd be so much more beautiful than Nessarose, to be honest." Boq raised an eyebrow, but Fiyero ignored it. "But hey, it's not like you're going to marry Nessarose, right?"

A long pause.

"Even if I had sworn never to marry, I wouldn't trust myself to keep that promise if Nessa would marry me." Fiyero stared at his friend blankly before shoving him away angrily.

"Has it come to this? Will there ever be a single bachelor left in the world?"

"You're only bitter because of Miss Elph-"

"Finish that sentence and I'll-"

"Do what?" came a new voice. Fiyero and Boq turned to see Manek returning, looking very amused. "What secret held you up here?"

"Malek, you would have to force me to tell," said Fiyero, appearing quite disgusted.

"Your loyalty to me forces you to," Manek laughed. Fiyero sighed.

"Sorry Boq, but if you want to tell secrets, do not make them as gross as this!" he said. Boq turned red. "Manek- he's in love! With whom? With Nessarose, Frexspar's short daughter!"

"If you say so," said Boq in a poor attempt to seem indifferent.

"Ha, listen to him try and deny it," Fiyero snorted. Manek raised his eyebrows at Boq, who sighed.

"Unless my feelings change soon, it's true, Manek." Manek smiled.

"Wonderful, if you love her, for the lady is very well worthy," he said. Boq's eyes widened.

"You joke."

"I swear, I'm telling you what I honestly think."

"And I swear that I am in love with Miss Nessarose!" Boq cried. Fiyero blinked, not believing what he was hearing.

"And I swear all up and down I spoke honestly when I said that this was a horrible idea!" he interrupted. Boq shoved him as hard as a Munchkin could. Fiyero shoved him back.

"You never have appreciated women, Fiyero," Manek chuckled.

"I thank my mother for conceiving and raising me, but all women will have to forgive me: I will remain a bachelor," Fiyero said, "Dancing through life while Boq waltzes down the aisle."

"I swear," Manek chuckled, "Before I die I will see you sick with love." Fiyero snorted.

"With hunger, fear, or anger, Manek, but never with love, I assure you." With those words, he angrily stormed off. Boq turned to Manek.

"Does Frex have a son?"

"No, only Miss Nessarose and his niece. Do you truly like her, then?" he asked. Boq's emotions spilled over as he replied:

"Oh, Lurline, when we left Munchkinland to fight the war, I looked at Nessa with the eyes of a friend and a soldier. I liked what I saw, but my mind was so occupied with the rough, violent task ahead of me that there was no chance that like would turn into love. But now that I'm back, the room in my head that I used to fill with war plans has become crowded with soft and delicate feelings. They all lead me to the same thought—how beautiful Nessa is and how I must have liked her this way even before I left to fight." Manek chuckled

"You will become a true lover soon, and exhaust Fiyero and I with your endless chatter about your feelings." Boq blushed. "Look, if you really love Miss Nessarose, enjoy it. I will speak to her and her father about the matter, and I'll convince Frexspar to promise Nessarose to you. Isn't that the reason you told me all this?" Boq looked shocked.

"You can see that I'm sick with love, and you're taking care of me in just the right way! But I didn't want you to think that I'm hasty in my emotions. I was going to explain my feelings with a longer story." Manek waved his arms in protest.

"If you keep going on, my friend, I might turn into a Fiyero. Look, whatever gets the job done is best. You love Nessarose; that's all I need to know to want to find a remedy. They're going to have a costume party with dancing tonight. I'll disguise myself as you and pour out 'my' feelings to her, taking her prisoner with the force of my love story. Then I'll talk to her father. And in the end, she's yours!" Boq looked like he was about to cry.

"Let's get started right away."


	2. Act 1, Scene 3

**A/N: Great reception you guys, thank you so much! I fell all warm and fuzzy now! XD**

**You know what I just realized? Yesterday marked the one-year anniversary of my story Secrets. Wow. . .**

**Okay, I'm skipping a scene. It's barely a page long, and sort of useless. Sort of. Basically Leonato hears that the Prince is in love with Hero and decides to tell her so she is prepared.**

**Also, it might be good to know that Conrade and Borachio will stay the same. I mean come on, those names rock! Good? Good. Back to the story!**

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><p>Act 1, Scene 3<p>

Avaric sat under a small apple tree near the Yellow Brick Road, staring silently at the horizon with his dark blue eyes. He did not even bother to take notice as Conrade, a slender and refined man with a hint of a mustache, approached him.

"What a good year, my friend," Conrade said, sitting down next to him. "Why are you sad, then?" Avaric merely glanced at him before replying:

"The things that cause my sadness are without limit. Therefore my sadness is without limit."

"Listen to reason, Avaric, really you should-"

"And after I have sat and listened to reason, what's my prize?" Avaric asked, annoyed.

"If not an end to your suffering, then at least you'll have the means to endure it patiently," Conrade replied evenly.

"I'm amazed that you—being such a moody man yourself—are moralizing about my so-called deadly condition. I can't hide what I am. I'm worse off than that green-skinned creature they call Elphaba," he hissed "I'll be sad when I have reason to be sad and won't smile at anybody's jokes. I'll eat when I'm hungry and won't wait until it's convenient. I'll sleep when I'm tired and won't rouse myself for anything. I'll laugh when I'm happy and won't flatter and fawn over anyone."

"Sure, but don't do it at full volume until there's no danger in it. Not long ago you challenged and opposed your brother, and it is only very recently that he has forgiven you. You need to act carefully if you're going to stay in his good graces. You have to wait for the appropriate time to let loose," Conrade cautioned his friend. Avaric simply snorted.

"I couldn't care less about being in the good graces of the ever-holy Manek. Though I am not a flattering, righteous man, at least you can say that I am honest about being a villain. My brother trusts me now? Yeah—as much as a master trusts the dog he muzzles or the peasant he "frees" by chaining a big block around the man's foot. If my mouth were unrestrained, I'd bite. If I were free, I'd do what I pleased." Conrade watched on in silence "Until that happens, _let me be who I am_ and don't try to change me."

"Can't you somehow use your dissatisfaction to your own advantage?" Conrade asked.

"I do it all the time!" Avaric replied. A rustling was heard in the cornfield. "Who's there?" he called. A burly man with a wiry beard revealed himself with a smile. "What news, Borachio?"

Borachio grinned mischievously. "I just came from a great feast where Governor Thropp is entertaining the Prince, your brother. I can give you information about an intended marriage." Avaric raised an eyebrow, intrigued.

"Will this give me an opportunity to make some mischief? Who is this fool who wants all the fuss of marriage?"

"You're brother's lap-dog." Avaric had to smile at this.

"Who, the pretty little munchkin Boq?" he asked.

"That's the one," Borachio agreed, nodding his head and sitting down beside his friend.

"He's too fancy for my liking. And who is the unfortunate girl who has caught his eye? Tell me it is not that green thing Frexspar calls his niece."

"No, Master, but it is _Miss Nessarose_, the only daughter and heir of Governor Thropp."

"The cripple!" Avaric chuckled, shaking his head. "How did you find this out?"

"As I was walking about the house searching for Milla, the beautiful lady who cares for Miss Nessarose, the Prince and Boq entered. They were in the middle of a serious conversation. I quickly hid behind a tapestry and heard them agree that the Prince would court Nessarose tonight at the dance and, once he won her consent to marry, would give her to Boq." Immediately, Avaric stood, his mind formulating a plan.

"Come, let's go to the dance. This just may cheer me up. Boq, the tiny upstart, was responsible for keeping me from gaining power over my brother. If there's any way I can spoil his life, I'll be overjoyed." Borachio and Conrade laughed. "You'll both help me, right?"

"To the death!" Conrade and Borachio cried jovially. Avaric grinned.

"Let's go to this great feast. They'll be even happier now that my mood has lightened, the dumb cheerful munchkins." He winked. "It's too bad the cook doesn't think like me; she would have poisoned them all if she did. Should we go check out the scene?"

"Lead the way, sir!" Borachio said, and together, the three set off down the Yellow Brick Road.


	3. Act 2, Scene 1

**A/N: To make up for the last chapter . . . here's an extra-long one for your liking.**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NEITHER THE PLOT NOR THE CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY. ALL RIGHTS GO TO SHAKESPEARE AND STEPHEN SCHWARTZ.**

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><p>Act 2, Scene 1<p>

Elphaba and Nessa sat near the entrance to the masked dance, awaiting Frexspar, Antonio, Galinda, and Milla. Nessa's soft pink gown blew gently in the wind as Elphaba's black laced gown stayed firmly in place.

"Elphaba, you really should be nicer to Prince Fiyero- he can't be so bad, can he?" Nessa asked. Elphaba scoffed.

"Yes he can, Nessie, you remember him from Shiz, do you not?"

"You obviously thought highly of him at some point, though, I mean, you did date him, didn't you?" Nessa asked. Elphaba pursed her lips.

"But you know how it ended. Nessa, it ended for a reason. It never was real, not to him at least."

"Ha! So you did love him!"

"Not quite to love, Nessa, though I'm sure you would love it if I swore the contrary." Nessa merely smiled.

"Wasn't Prince Avaric at dinner tonight?" Frex asked, entering with his brother, Galinda, and Milla. Elphaba shook her head. The family all linked arms and proceeded to enter the celebration, being happily greeted by all of the masked revelers. Nessa had a small ruby red mask, and Elphaba wore a large black sequined mask with her favorite pointed black hat.

"I didn't see him," Antonio added. Frex pursed his lips.

"That man always looks so sour!" Elphaba interjected, "Just looking at him gives me heartburn!" Nessarose laughed and gently shoved her cousin as best she could.

"He is of a very melancholy disposition," she assented. Elphaba though for a moment before saying:

"It would be excellent if they could make a man halfway between Avaric and Fiyero. One of them is too much like a painting of a man—he never speaks—and the other is too much like a spoiled little boy, always chattering."

"So, the man would talk half as much as Benedick and be half as serious as Don John—" Frex thought aloud, as Elphaba, Galinda, Milla, and Nessa laughed.

"And if he were handsome, agile, and rich, too, he could have any woman in the world—all he'd need was her good will," Elphaba added. Nessa again shoved her as Galinda clapped with joy.

"Really, niece, you'll never get a husband if you keep saying such harsh things about people," Frex scolded gently.

"Honestly, she is too ill-tempered," put in Antonio. Elphaba grinned.

"Being 'too ill-tempered' is different from being simply 'ill-tempered,' right? So I suppose that means I can escape the Unnamed God's punishment."

"So then, for being too argumentative, the Unnamed God won't send you any horns as if you were a bull?" Antonio laughed. Elphaba winked.

"Exactly. I hope Lurline or the Unnamed God won't send me a husband. Really, I couldn't stand a husband with a beard. I'd rather be wrapped in scratchy blankets all night. Or is it the same thing, then?" Frexspar laughed.

"Maybe you will find a husband without a beard," Frex suggested. Galinda coughed something that sounded an awful lot like the name 'Fiyero'.

"And then what would I do with him?" Elphaba laughed, "Dress him up in my clothes and pretend he's my lady servant?" She scoffed, and thought for a moment. "If he has a beard, he's more than a boy; if he doesn't have a beard, he's less than a man. If he's more than a boy, he's not the one for me, and if he's less than a man, I'm not the one for him."

"So you'll remain unmarried all your life, Elphie?" Galinda gasped, looking horror-struck that she would never have the chance to plan her friend's wedding.

"Yes," Elphaba replied simply.

"Well, niece, I trust that you will defer to your father on these important decisions," said Antonio to Nessarose, who nodded and smiled sweetly at her father.

"Surely, my cousin has a duty to please her father," Elphaba interrupted, "But if the husband her father chooses isn't handsome, she should sweetly tell her father that she will please herself—with another one." Nessarose giggled.

"Well, niece, I hope that I will see you married one day.," Frex sighed. Elphaba laughed.

"No, I won't take a husband until they make men out of something other than dirt."

Frex sighed before turning to Nessarose. "Remember, sweet Nessa, if the Prince does ask you for your hand-"

"I'll know my answer," Nessa said softly, staring at her hands.

"But cousin, make sure he woos you properly and appropriately. If he is too insistent, tell him that romance is like a dance: it has its own rhythm and timing. Look, the three stages of romance are like three different dances. The wooing is like a Vinkun jig: hot and fast and full of whimsy and illusion. The wedding is a like a dance you would do before the King: proper and decorous. Finally, you get to the part where you regret having gotten married in the first place. It is like the lively cinquepace: it goes faster and faster until you eventually topple over and die." Nessa shook her head in exasperation at her cousin.

"Niece, you are exceptionally perceptive," Frex said, impressed.

"I have a good eye, uncle," Elphaba replied, pleased with her own wit.

Suddenly, a great noise erupted from the dance's entrance. Masked men had appeared: the soldiers. Elphaba grabbed Nessa's chair and pushed her up to get a better look. Immediately, the first masked man, masked in a mask of a lion, turned to Nessarose.

"A dance, my lady?" he asked. Nessa's face lit up with excitement and the man took her chair and led her off. Elphaba, meanwhile stood watching as the soldiers took their picks of the present women. She felt a tap on her shoulder.

"A dance?" came a whisper from behind her. She smirked, knowing the voice, poorly disguised as it was, all too well.

Meanwhile, Nessa was having a fun night with her mystery partner.

"-Will I be with you then?" her partner asked. Nessa giggled.

"Perhaps, if you prove yourself worthy." Her thoughts flew to Boq and his heroic deeds.

"And when will that be?" her partner asked. She smiled.

"When I like the way you look, for Lurline forbid your face be as ugly as your mask!" She noted with a slight disappointment that he seemed to be to short to be Boq.

"Trust me, fair Nessarose, my face is a sight to see."

"Well, then-" Nessa began, but her partner held up a hand to silence her.

"If you wish to speak of love, speak more softly." He gently pulled her aside, taking both of her hands in his as Milla ran past with Borachio.

"Well, I wish you liked me!" he cried, grabbing at her body. She giggled shrilly.

"I'm glad I don't, for your sake. I have many awful qualities!" she whispered seductively.

"Name one."

"I talk to much!" she whispered, taking his mouth with her own.

Meanwhile, Elphaba and her not-so-secret partner danced through the crowd, coming to a stop near a small fountain.

"Won't you tell me who told you that?" she hissed angrily. Fiyero laughed jovially.

"No, you will have to forgive me."

"And won't you tell me who you are?" Elphaba asked, daring Fiyero to reveal himself.

"No!" he laughed. She sighed.

"Who said that I was disdainful, and that I got all my best lines out of a bad joke book?" she cried, shoving him square in the chest. "Well, it must have been Prince Fiyero." She could see the flash of panic in his eyes before he regained his merry attitude.

"Who's that?" he asked. Elphaba rolled her eyes. Fiyero thought he was real clever, now didn't he? Well, she would show him.

"I'm sure you know him," she said, smirking.

"No I don't, believe me."

Elphaba smirked even wider, her trap was set. "He never made you laugh?"

"Please tell me, who is this man?"

"Why, he's the Prince's fool, and a very dull fool at that. His only talent is his capacity to come up with unbelievable slanders. Only deeply shallow men enjoy his company, and they like him not for his wit but his stupidity. He manages to both please and anger people; they laugh at him and then laugh again behind his back." She winked at the frozen in place Fiyero. "I'm sure he's out there dancing. I could have sworn he trampled on me." Fiyero seemed to struggle with his words before replying:

"When I meet this gentleman, I'll tell him what you've said." Elphaba'es eyes glinted mischievously.

"Ha, he wouldn't be too surprised. He'll say a few nasty things about me, and if nobody listens to him or laughs, he'll be thrown into a funk. And that will save an extra piece of meat for myself from being eaten, because he'll be too miserable for dinner."

Fiyero opened his mouth to speak, fully intending to tell Elphaba off for her words when music cut him. Off. He felt Elphaba inhale sharply.

The music of their first dance.

"I don't like this dance," Elphaba muttered, "I think I'll sit now."

Fiyero knew that was an absolute lie. Elphaba had told him many times during their relationship how much she enjoyed the dance.

"That's a lie," slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Elphaba turned in surprise. He coughed and straightened himself up, holding out his hand for reasons he knew not. He was very angry with the hag after all . . .

Elphaba hesitated before taking his hand. "We should follow the leaders." He smirked under his mask.

"In every good thing."

And together they danced, with Elphaba's mind smug at how she had cornered him, and Fiyero's dreaming up manners of revenge.

Avaric meanwhile sat in solitude. A very pleased Borachio stumbled up to him. "My brother just wooed Nessarose and now has taken her father inside to tell him his feelings. The ladies have followed Nessarose, but one masked man remains," Avaric informed him.

"That's Boq. Can't you see how short he is?" Borachio asked, laughing at his own wit.

Avaric smirked. "Follow my lead." He made his way over to Boq, qho looked quite worried and excited. "Aren't you Prince Fiyero?" he asked in a sugary voice.

Boq looked surprised, but drew himself up higher. "You know me too well. I am he."

Avaric exchanged an amused glance with Borachio. "Sir, my brother is very fond of you. He is in love with Miss Nessarose. Please make him change his mind. She doesn't have the proper rank to marry the Prince. You would be doing a good service to him." Boq seemed frozen in place, his eyes staring blankly ahead.

"How do you know he loves her?" he asked in a small voice.

"I heard him swear he did.," Avaric informed him in a very melancholy voice.

"I did too, and he also swore he would marry her tonight," Borachio added seriously.

"Come, let's go to the banquet," Avaric said. And with that, he swept away with Borachio, bearing looks of twisted triumph. Boq, however, unmasked himself and collapsed near the fountain.

_Though I said my name was Fiyero, I heard this news with Boq's ears. Of course the Prince wants Nessa for himself. Friendship is enduring except when love is involved. Therefore, all lovers should speak for themselves. They should look for themselves, without asking someone else to get involved in their affairs. Beauty is a witch whose spells can turn loyalty into passion. This happens a lot, but it didn't occur to me that it would happen to me. Goodbye then, Nessarose._

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone sitting next to him. "Boq?" It was Fiyero. His snide friend was the last person Boq wanted to see, save Manek or Nessa.

"Unfortunately." Fiyero chuckled.

"Will you come with me?"

"Where?"

"About your own business! Manek has your Nessarose!" Fiyero cried. Boq pursed his lips.

"I wish him joy of her."

"You sound like a cattle dealer: that's the way they sell bulls. But do you really think the Prince would treat you that way?"

"Leave me alone Fiyero- go and dance with Elphaba or something."

"Look at you, thrashing about like a blind Goat. A boy robbed you, but you'll beat up the post instead."

Boq had reached his limit. "If you won't leave, then I'll leave!" And he did.

"Oh, the poor bird. Now he'll hide himself in the bushes."

_But how strange that Elphaba should seem to know who I was and yet not know at the same time. "The Prince's fool"! Maybe they call me that because I am cheerful. Yes, but I am insulting myself by thinking this way. I don't have that kind of reputation! Elphaba's wicked, sarcastic nature makes her believe that the entire world shares her opinions; that's why she describes me this way. Well, I'll get my revenge._

He was so lost in his thoughts that he was not aware of Manek and Nessa's presence until Manek spoke, "Now, sir, where is Boq? Did you see him?"

"I found him here, as sad as I have ever seen him. I told him—and I think I was telling the truth—that you had won the lady's heart." Nessa and Manek both looked startled by this news.

"Why, what was he like?" Manek asked.

"He was like a schoolboy who finds a bird's nest and happily shows it to his friend, who then steals it from him," Fiyero replied bluntly. Nessarose looked at Manek, startled.

"What, is trusting a friend such a crime? The criminal is the one who stole the nest."

"It might have been appropriate for him to send the mother bird after you, since you—as I understand it—have stolen his bird's nest," Fiyero said seriously. Manek looked aghast.

"I only want to teach the baby birds to sing; then I will return the nest to its rightful owner," he retorted. Fiyero raised an eyebrow.

"We'll wait and see; if the chicks follow your lead—if Nessarose is ready to love Boq—then we'll know you're telling the truth." Manek accepted this with ease before speaking again.

"Miss Elphaba is angry with you. The gentleman she danced with told her you insulted her," he said, curious. Fiyero, who had turned to walk away, stopped where he was and seemed to take a minute to reel in his emotions before turning and stomping back angrily.

"Not even a block of wood could handle her abuses! An oak tree barely clinging to life would have revived itself to fight her. Even my mask seemed to come to life in order to argue with her. She told me—not realizing it was me—that I was the Prince's jester and as dull as mud. She hurled mocking insults at me with such incredible speed that all I could do was stand there, paralyzed. She speaks daggers, and every word stabs. If her breath were as terrible as her words, she would kill every living thing from here to the furthest star. I wouldn't marry her, even if she were as blessed as my crown! Please, don't even mention her. She's as wicked as a witch could be, just disguised in pretty clothes and green skin. I wish to the Unnamed God or Lurline that some wise man would conjure her away, because as long as she lives on earth, our lives are filled with turmoil. It's quieter in hell, where people, sinning on purpose, are eager to be sent just to get away from her. So chaos, horror, and sorrow follow her wherever she goes!"

Nessarose listened to all of this with quiet discomfort and great amusement.

"Look," Manek said, barely concealing his laughter, "Here she comes!" And so she was, with a very pouty-looking Boq at her heels, Frex, and Antonio.

Fiyero took one look at Elphaba before turning back to Manek. "Your highness, could you send me on a mission to the ends of Oz? I'll go to the Emerald City for any little errand you can think of. I'll fetch you a toothpick from the farthest reaches of the Vinkus, snatch a hair from the Unnaed God's beard, or deliver any message you wish to relay to the Flying Monkeys—anything rather than exchange three words with this harpy!" Elphaba, overhearing this, seemed slightly taken aback. "Isn't there something you want from me?"

"None, but to desire your good company!" Manek laughed. Elphaba took Fiyero's pause to step forward.

"Fiyero," she greeted, "Have you been dancing?" Fiyero ignored her, turning to Manek.

"Oh, Lurline, sir, here comes a dish I hate. I can't stand tongue!" he spat, stalking past Elphaba inside. Elphaba pursed her lips and stared at the ground.

"Come, lady, come, you have lost the heart of Fiyero!" Manek cried, laughing still. Nessarose glanced anxiously at Elphaba, who paused a moment before replying.

"It's true, Prince Manek. He lent it to me once, and I paid him back with interest: a double heart for his single one. Really, he won it from me once before in a dishonest game of dice. So I suppose you can truly say that I have lost it." Nessa reached out a hand to give Elphaba's a squeeze, and she smiled appreciatively.

"You've humiliated him, lady: you've put him down!" Manek said. Elphaba smirked.

"And I hope that he won't_ put me down _or I'm sure to have fools for children." Nessa shook her head at her cousin. "I've brought Boq, who you sent me to find," she added, ushering the blushing munchkin forward."

"Why, what's wrong, Boq? Why are you so sad?" Manek asked. Boq did not meet his eye.

"I'm not sad, my friend," Boq replied stiffly.

"What then, sick?" Manek asked. Elphaba stepped forward, interrupting.

"Boq is neither sad, nor sick. Why, I'd say he is almost as green as I am, can't you see the envy is his eyes?" Manek looked at Boq in surprise.

"Truly, Elphaba, I think your description is correct, though I swear he has no reason to look like that. Here, Boq, I've wooed Nessarose for you, and she's agreed to marry you. I've told her father, and he's given his permission. Tell us when you wish to get married, and may Lurline give you joy."

Boq was floored.

For a long moment, he and Nessa simply stared at each other. Disbelief, relief, love, desire, innocence, and joy welled in their eyes.

"Claudio, take my daughter, and, with her, take my fortunes. The Prince has made the match, and may the Unnamed God bless it."

Boq and Nessa simply stared on.

"Speak, Boq, that's your cue," Elphaba put in. Boq smiled, still staring at Nessa.

"Complete joy makes one speechless; if I were only a little happy, then I could say exactly how much. Nessa, you are mine and I am yours. For you, I give myself away and I'm ecstatic about the exchange." Nessa simply smiled as he kneeled down to take her hands.

"Say something, cousin," Elphaba coughed, before smirking. "Or, if you can't say anything, stop his mouth with a kiss and don't let him speak, either."

And Nessa did exactly that, leaning forward and capturing Boq's lips in a short and sweet kiss. Elphaba smiled.

"Truly, lady, you have a merry heart," Manek said to Elphaba with a smile.

"Yes, my lord. I thank my heart—the poor fool—for it keeps away from seriousness." She smiled. "Look, my cousin is whispering to Boq that they deserve each other." Manek turned to see a blushing Nessa and kneeling Boq, who replied:

"And so she does, cousin," before wheeling her aside. Elphaba sighed and sat down on a nearby bench, eyeing Fiyero as he stalked past her without a glance.

"Thank Lurline for alliances!" she said, "So everyone goes off into the world except me, who stays in because I'm green. I should sit in the corner and sing in hopes a man will want to be my husband." Manek laughed.

"Why, Miss Elphaba, I will get you one! Your skin is no deterrent." Elphaba scoffed.

"I'd rather have the king assign me one-he's quite skilled at it."

"Will you take me?"

The words were out of Manek's mouth before he could stop them. He spoke not out of deep love, no, he barely knew the girl. But he was lonely, it was true, and Elphaba was good company, not clingy or erotic or anything he disliked. After all, why spend a lifetime searching for true love when a good friend could be at your side?

Elphaba hesitated. Had any other man asked her she would have laughed in their face- but she pitied Manek. His life would forever be haunted by his rank, and women who wanted to take advantage of it.

"No, your Highness, unless I could have another husband for the work week," she said gently "You are too expensive to wear every day." He smiled and nodded. "But please, forgive me, your highness. I was born to speak cleverly, not seriously." He smiled again.

"I'd be more offended if you were silent, for being lively and cheerful suits you best," Manek said, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. Elphaba stood up and bowed to him.

"Cousins," she said to Nessa and Boq, who were deep in conversation, "I wish you joy!"

And with those words, she walked off, stomping on Fiyero's foot as she exited the dancing. He stood looking after her for a moment before defiantly walking out himself.

Manek watched the exchange with amusement. "I swear, she's the nicest lady I've ever met," he said.

Frex smiled. "There's very little about her that's gloomy, my lord. She's only sad when she sleeps—and not even then. Why, Nessie told me that Fabala has often had dreams about being unhappy, and managed to wake herself from them by laughing." Nessarose smiled and nodded.

"She can't stand to hear about getting a husband," Manek chuckled. Frex nodded.

"No, not at all. She mocks all her suitors so severely that they drop the suit and run for the hills."

"She would make a good wife for Fiyero," Manek mused quietly, a thought forming in his mind. Immediately everyone around broke into laughter.

"Oh, Lurline, if they were married, they'd drive themselves crazy within a week!" Galinda laughed. Still thinking, Manek turned to Boq.

"Boq, when do you plan to be married?" he asked.

"Tomorrow, my friend," Boq replied without hesitation "Time will move as slowly as an old man until our love receives its proper ceremony." Frex looked shocked.

"Wait till Monday, my dear son, which is only a week away. Even that is too short a time to plan things the way I would like!" Boq looked like he was about to protest, but Manek interrupted him.

"Oh, don't look so frustrated at having to wait so long!" he scolded, shoving the munchkin in the shoulder. "I promise you, Boq, the time will go by quickly. While we're waiting for the wedding, I'm going to take on an impossible task: to make Prince Fiyero and Miss Elphaba fall in love with each other. I aim to see them matched, and with all of your help, I'm sure we can make it happen."

He had no doubt the job would be easy. Beneath the arguments and jests, he could sense a firm bond between Fiyero and Elphaba, an easy chemistry. Even while arguing, they had an easy and natural rhythm that they both relished in. There was also a concern for well-being hidden between teasing remarks, a genuine concern for the other. There was love also, hidden deep, but he was determined to find it and bring it forth.

"My Prince, I will help you, even if it means I have to stay awake for ten nights straight!" Frex cried. Manek grinned.

"Me too," added Boq, "Fiyero needs a taste of love."

"And you, Miss Nessarose?" Manek asked.

"I will do any modest office to help Fabala to Fiyero," said Nessarose with a smile.

"And Fiyero is not the worst husband I can think of. This much I can say about him: he is well-born, has proven his bravery in battle, and has established his good character. Miss Nessarose, I'll show you how to influence your cousin so she falls in love with Fiyero. We men will trick him so that, despite his quick wit and his queasiness about marriage, he will fall in love with her. If we can do this, then we will steal Cupid's glory. We will be the supreme love gods! Come inside with me, and I will tell you my plan."

And they all followed him, devising ways of re-igniting the flame between the two headstrong fools.

Meanwhile, Avaric sat nearby, frowning deeply.


	4. Act 2, Scene 2

**A/N: Updates come much faster on weekends. Just a heads-up. And reviews would be nice too, you know. XD**

**Special note to any readers, I have a special Christmas story planned that will begin at around November. I love holiday stories, if anyone remembers, my most popular story, Flight Delay, is holiday-based. I'll use this story to post previews if I get enough reviews. :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NEITHER THE PLOT NOR THE CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY. ALL RIGHTS GO TO SHAKESPEARE AND STEPHEN SCHWARTZ.**

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><p>Act 2, Scene 2<p>

Avaric had no problem at all with throwing Frex's delicious fruit at walls in his anger. No problem at all. All of the happiness and cheer around him . . . it made him sick. Happy munchkins made him want to throw things.

Which he now was doing.

Borachio and Conrade watched on, cautious. They did not want to taste Avaric's anger, for it was not a sweet taste.

"It's arranged, then," Avaric spat, "The filthy little rat will marry Frexspar's daughter."

"Yes, my lord," Borachio piped up, much to Avaric's displeasure, for a melon came hurdling at his head. He jumped out of its path, narrowly dodging it. "But I can spoil it!" he added quickly. Avaric turned.

"Any obstacle or barrier to Boq's happiness will be like medicine to me. I hate him so much it makes me sick, and whoever can ruin his happiness will make me happy," he said, squishing a wad of grapes in his hand.

His rivalry with Boq had gone far back to their Shiz days. Boq was weak- shy and humble, everything that annoyed him. He would always laugh at him, yet he would still get all of the girls. Even worse was his upstaging during wartime, when Avaric was just getting back his fame and women, and then came he again to take it all from him.

"How will you wreck this marriage?" he asked.

"I can only do it by lying, but I can do it so secretly that no one will suspect me."

"Tell me before this damn melon meets your stupid face!" Avaric yelled. Borachio stepped back, putting his hands up.

"I think it was a year ago that I told you how much Milla, Nessarose's servant woman, likes me," he began. Avaric nodded. "I can arrange it so that at some indecent hour of the night, she looks out Nessarose's bedroom window. Sitting, of course, considering the girl's handicap . . ."

"How will that kill this marriage?" Avaric asked, "What, will he decide to marry Milla instead?" Borachio shook his head excitedly.

"That part is up to you. Go to the Prince, your brother, and tell him that he has done a terrible thing by matching the renowned Boq—whom you greatly admire—with such a tainted whore as Nessarose." Avaric raised an eyebrow.

"What will be my evidence?"

"Evidence enough to deceive the Prince, anger the munchkin brat, ruin Nessarose, and kill Frexspar. Is there anything else you wish?"

"That's all I want, and I'll do anything to accomplish it," Avaric said, "What is your plan?"

"Find a time to speak with Don Pedro and Claudio alone. Tell them you know that Nessarose loves me. Pretend to be very concerned about both the Prince, who has compromised his honor by making the match, and Boq, whose reputation will be ruined by this crippled woman who's pretending to be a virgin.

"Of course, they won't believe you without proof. Tell them you've seen the two of us at Nessarose's bedroom window, and then bring them to see for themselves on the night before the wedding. I'll arrange it so that Nessarose is away for the night, but her chair remains, so what they'll actually see is Milla and me at the window, calling each other 'Nessa' and 'Borachio'.

"It'll be such blatant evidence of Nessarose's disloyalty that Boq's jealousy will quickly turn to certainty, and the wedding will be instantly called off!"

Avaric thought for a moment. "Make the arrangements, and I'll do it." He thought for a moment more before adding, "Do this carefully, and I will reward you with a thousand gold coins."

"If you make the accusation convincingly, then my cunning won't fail me."

"I'll go now to find out the date of the wedding," said Avaric as he sauntered off, grinning maliciously at the wickedness of his plan.


	5. Act 2, Scene 3

**A/N: Updates come much faster on weekends. Just a heads-up. And reviews would be nice too, you know. XD**

**Special note to any readers, I have a special Christmas story planned that will begin at around November. I love holiday stories, if anyone remembers, my most popular story, Flight Delay, is holiday-based. I'll use this story to post previews if I get enough reviews. :)**

**Re ply to Shockheaded Peter's Sister: Totally agree with you there- that's why I adore Beatrice so much. She's one of Shakespeare's strongest female characters (save Lady Macbeth . . . but let's not get into THAT . . .).**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NEITHER THE PLOT NOR THE CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY. ALL RIGHTS GO TO SHAKESPEARE AND STEPHEN SCHWARTZ.**

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><p>Act 2, Scene 2<p>

Fiyero lounged in the garden of Frex's home, reading. It was an odd habit, no doubt, but one he had picked up, unfortunately, from Elphaba. Also unfortunately, the habit was not the only thing he had picked from her.

This was her book.

That was the bad part about reading, if you grab the wrong book, you're stuck with it. You can't tell it to shut up and go away, you just have to read it.

He would be in major trouble later, but it was worth it. He was not about to use his valuable energy to walk back to the livig room, put the book down, and find his book.

And though Elphaba would never admit it, she was a romantic. All of her books were dramatic love stories, some with comedic twists, but mostly just dramatic. It was part of her charm, he supposed. The romantic flower hidden inside the growling, drooling, evil conniving, vicious, mean, deceitful, he could go on for days . . .

So now there he was, stuck with a sappy romance novel and thinking of the irony of it all.

_I'm amazed that a man, after watching romance turn another man into a fool and laughing at that man, can turn right around and become the thing he's scorned. That's the kind of man-or Munchkin-Boq is. _

_I knew him when he listened to nothing but the military drum and fife; now he would rather hear the sweet and refined music of the tabor and pipe. I knew him when he would've walked ten miles to see a well-crafted suit of armor; now he spends ten nights awake in his room designing himself a fancy new jacket. He used to speak plainly and to the point, like an honorable man and soldier; now his speech is elaborate and flowery. His words are like a miraculous banquet, full of strange new dishes. _

_Will I be changed like that, and see the world through a lover's eyes? I'm not sure, but I don't think so!_

_I can't promise that love won't transform me, but I can promise you this: until I truly fall in love, a woman will never make me act like such a fool. A beautiful woman comes along, but I'm unmoved, at least the morning after. A wise woman turns up, but I'm unmoved, because she makes me feel stupid. A virtuous woman appears, but I'm unmoved because she bores me. I refuse to fall in love until all three qualities unite in a single woman. _

_She must be rich, certainly, and smart, or I'll have nothing to do with her. She has to be virtuous, or I'll never bid on her; beautiful, or I won't bother to look at her. Mild-mannered, or else she should stay away from me. Noble, or I won't have her even if she's an angel. She must be well spoken, an excellent musician, and her hair should be—well, I suppose the color doesn't matter. Maybe black and long? Hm . . ._

_But certainly not like Elphaba. I will never make a mistake like her ever again. So what if she was different, and understood me? So did my mother! She wasn't right for me, and even though it's not my fault I left her, she is still as cynical and bitter as ever- and acts as if it's my fault! It's not my fault she's so full of herself! It is none but her own . . ._

Fiyero was moved from his thoughts by the sudden appearance of Manek, Boq, and Frex. They all seemed to be in deep conversation.

_Ha! Look, it's the Prince and Mr. Love. I'll hide in the arbor._

And with that thought, he took himself and Elphaba's book and strode off behind some bushes.

"Do you see where Fiyero has hidden himself?" muttered Manek to Boq. Boq nodded towards the bushes, which rustled slightly. Manek chuckled. "Frexspar, you know your duty?" The balding man smiled and nodded.

Manek cleared his throat and said quite loudly. "Come here, Frexspar. What was it that you told me today—that your niece Elphaba was in love with Prince Fiyero?"

Fiyero, who had been attempting to sit on a bench, toppled over it, landing hard on the ground. He quickly got back up, leaning against the bushes.

"Oh yes," agreed Boq, who then muttered to Manek, "Go on, keep walking: our prey is in sight." and then continued, "—I never thought that woman would love any man."

Frex nodded most sincerely. "I didn't, either. But how wonderful that she should be so fond of Fiyero, whom she has always appeared to hate!" Fiyero blinked.

_Is it possible?_ He thought to himself. His heart pounded in his chest.

"Really, Your Highness, I don't know what to make of it, but she loves him with such a passion that it's past all understanding!" Frex cried. Fiyero was now craning his neck so far that it was beginning to get sore. But he was beyond caring.

"Maybe she's just pretending," suggested Manek. Fiyero's heart stopped, and he found himself shaking his head angrily.

_No!_

"Pretending?" Frex cried, "No one has ever faked passion as skillfully as this, then!"

"Why, what symptoms of love does she show?" Manek asked. Frex hesitated.

"Bait the hook well; this fish is going to bite," Boq whispered.

"What symptoms, my lord? She will have a seat—you heard my daughter tell you how!" Unable to think of anything else, he simply pulled Manek and Boq in and acted like he was whispering to them. Fiyero strained to hear, leaning as much as he could against the bushes.

Manek pulled away, a look of utter astoundment on his face. "You AMAZE me!" he cried, so ardently that Fiyero toppled over back onto the path. "I would have thought she was invincible against any assault of love."

"I would have sworn that, too, your Highness, especially against Fiyero."

Fiyero found himself slightly insulted by that remark.

_I would take this as a joke if the old man weren't saying it. Mischief surely can't be hiding in such a respectable man._

Boq grinned. "He's hooked now- keep it up!"

"Has she told Fiyero how she feels?" Manek asked loudly. Fiyero already knew the answer to that one.

"No," -_no surprise there,_ "-and she swears she never will." _Wait, WHAT?_ "That's what's driving her crazy."

_Not telling a cath like me of passion would drive me crazy too . . ._

"It's true, Nessa says so," Boq added, "Elphaba asks, 'Does it make any sense to tell him I love him when I have always treated him with scorn?'" They walked closer to the bush.

"She'll be getting up twenty times in a night, sitting there in her slip until she's written a page full of words of love. My daughter told me everything," Frex put in.

_A whole page? I'll have to see that . . ._

"Now that you speak of paper, I remember a funny story of Nessa's," Boq said with a twinkle in his eye. Manek grinned.

"Oh, you mean when Elphaba writes a letter and Hero sees that it has 'Fiyero' and 'Elphaba' written all over it?" Frex asked.

_Elphaba and Fiyero . . . Fiyero and Elphaba . . . Fiyerphaba . . . Fiyeraba . . ._

"Yup!" Boq replied with a smile.

"Oh, she tears that letter into a thousand small pieces and berates herself for being so forward as to write a letter to a man she knows would mock her. 'I compare him,' she says, 'to myself, and I know that I would mock him if he wrote me such a letter. Yes, even though I love him, I would mock him.'," Frex added.

_She always did hate the cards I gave her . . . called them sappy . . . whatever that means._

"Then she falls down to her knees, weeps, sobs, beats her breast, tears her hair, prays, and curses: 'Oh sweet _Fiyero_! Lurline give me patience!'" Boq cried out passionately.

Fiyero blinked.

_I do incite passionate reactions to my charms . . ._

"She did indeed, my daughter says so. She worries that Fabala is so overwrought that she might do herself harm someday," Frex added.

_Whoa. Hey now._

"If she won't tell Fiyero, someone else should," said Manek.

_Yes. Someone should._

Boq scoffed. "And what would that accomplish? He'll just turn it into a joke and torment the poor woman even more."

Manek nodded sadly. "If he did that, it would be a charitable deed to hang him. She's an excellent, clever woman, and there's no doubt that she is virtuous." Frex nodded proudly.

"-And she is very smart," he added.

"Except for the fact that she loves Fiyero," Manek put in, and all of the men nodded.

_Yes, except for the- wait, what?_

"Oh, when wisdom and passion are in one body, it's ten to one that the passion will win. I am sorry for her, as I should be, since I am both her uncle and her guardian," Frex said sadly.

"Please, tell Fiyero about her feelings and see what he has to say," Manek suggested.

_Yes!_

"Is that a good idea, do you think?" Boq asked, "You know Fiyero . . ."

"Hero thinks Elphaba will surely die, for she says she'll die if he doesn't love her, and that she'll die before she tells him, and she'll die if he woos her and she's made to hold back even one of her usual insults!"

_I wouldn't make her hold back for the world . . ._

"She's probably right. If she offers him her love, it's very possible that he'll scorn it, since, as we all know, he tends to be contemptuous," Manek said sadly.

_I protest that!_

"But, alas, he is a good guy," Boq offered. Manek nodded.

"Yes, for sure, he is good-looking, brave, um-"

"Smart?" Boq asked. Manek shook his head.

"Only around Elphaba."

It hit him hard in that moment- what Boq said was indeed very true! Elphaba brought out the best and worst in him, his wit, his will to study, she was the reason he even made it through Shiz! His best quips were made around and for her, he realized, and he complimented her so much without even realizing it! And of course, he couldn't forget who he thought of during his tightest spots in battle . . .

"Well, I'm sorry for your niece," Manek said sadly, "Should we go find Fiyero and tell him about Elphaba's love?"

_Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!_

"No, don't ever tell him," Boq advised, "Let her get over it, with the help of good advice."

"No, that's impossible!" Frex cautioned, "Her heart will break first!" Manek nodded sadly. Fiyero stepped back a bit to hide himself better.

"Well, we'll hear more about it from your daughter," Manek decided after a long pause. "Let it sit for a while. I care about Fiyero, and I just wish he would take a look at himself and realize how unfairly he's treating this good woman."

Fiyero had to duck behind another bush as Nessa came wheeling from the house.

"Fabala says dinner is ready!"

_She does? Should I go, or will that seem to obvious? Maybe I should stay here for ten minutes, or maybe I should . . ._

"Will you come with me?" Frex offered to Boq and Manek. Both consented, and together the three walked off, grinning hugely.

"If he doesn't fall in love with her now, I'll never trust my intuition again," Boq snickered under his breath. Manek nodded.

"The same trap must be set for her; that's your daughter's and servants' job," he said to Frex, and then turned back to Boq. "The real fun will be when they both believe the other to be in love, without any of it being true. I can't wait to watch that drama—it'll be a pantomime, since both of them will be totally speechless!" All three of them laughed jovially. Manek thought for a moment before grinning maliciously. "Let's send Elphaba to call Fiyero in to dinner!" They all three laughed yet again as they entered the house.

Fiyero, on the other hand, was a complete and utter wreck as he slowly made his way back towards the house for dinner.

_This can't be a trick. They spoke with great seriousness, and they have Nessarose's testimony. They seem to pity the lady. It seems her love is stretched to the limit. She loves me? Well, that love must be returned!_

_I hear how I'm criticized. They say I'll be smug if I find out she loves me. They also say she'd rather die than give any sign of her feelings. Typical Elphaba, exactly how she was the first time I had her._

_I never thought I'd marry. I can't appear to be proud. People who discover their faults and can then change them are lucky indeed. They say the lady is beautiful; it's true, I've seen it myself, her skin is exotic, not at all like others may say. And virtuous; that's true, I can't disprove that. And smart, except that she loves me. That may not be any proof of her intelligence, but I swear it won't be evidence of her stupidity—for I'm going to be horribly in love with her! _

_People might tease me here and there, since I attacked marriage for so long. But don't tastes change? A man can love a dish when he is young that he hates when he turns old. Will quips and clever remarks and scathing written words keep a man from getting what his heart desires? No! The world needs to be populated. _

Fiyero was very smug with himself by the time he reached the edge of the garden.

_When I said that I'd die as a bachelor, I just meant that I didn't think I'd live until I got married. _

He was ready to enter the house when he saw a flash of green. Elphaba was marching towards him with a very annoyed expression.

_Here comes Elphaba. Sweet Lurline! She's a beautiful lady. _

_I think I sense some signs of love in her._

He ran back to the garden and settled himself on the edge of a fountain. Elphaba found him in little time, and didn't even bother to look him in the eye.

"Against my will," she began, "I am sent to bid you to come in to dinner." With those words, she set off, not caring if he was following, and half-hoping he wasn't.

"Fae!"

Elphaba froze in her tracks. So he had followed her. She turned around slowly.

"I thank you for your pains," Fiyero said with a dazzling smile.

Elphaba raised an eyebrow and glanced around. Was this some sort of joke? Only last night he had called her a harpy! She looked back at Fiyero, whose smile was still just as wide and toothy.

"I didn't take any more pains bringing this message than you took pains in thanking me. If the job had been painful, I would not have come," she replied evenly, and turned around to leave.

"So you took pleasure in bringing me this message?"

Wouldn't he ever shut up?

She turned around to see if he was joking, but he appeared perfectly sincere.

"Yes," she said, her annoyance growing by the minute, "Just as much as you may take upon a knife's point." Fiyero laughed, shaking his head at her.

"Funny, Fae, funny."

"_Stop calling me that_!" she hissed. She glanced down at what he was holding. "Is that my book?" Without even waiting for a reply, she snatched it away from him, hitting him on the head. "You aren't hungry then? Goodbye."

And with those words, a very confused Elphaba Thropp marched off.

"Ha!" Fiyero laughed, still grinning toothily.

"_Against my will, I've been told to bring you in to dinner." There's a double meaning in that. "I didn't take any more pains bringing this message than you took pains in thanking me." That's like saying, "Any thing I do for you is as easy as saying 'thank you.'" If this doesn't move me to take pity on her, I'm a horrible person. If I don't love her, I'm completely hard-hearted._

_I think I'll go make myself look suitable._


End file.
